I frequently know that my skills of being wifely are in dire need of being refined. I am unecessarily critical and hate my over emotional status as a PMSing woman. Having to share everything, leaving not much to do on my own is difficult. I wanted so badly to grocery shop and decorate the way -I- wanted because finally it is -my- life, not my parents. However, he feels the same way. How do we possibly combine lives when we both looked forward so much to being on our own. The disadvantage of moving from my parents house into an apartment with Jeff is nothing is ever singular for me. The same for him. Last night after arguing and being hurt for like the bazillionth time I thought to myself, "How will I ever make a good wife?" I am not wife material. I am selfish, controlling and incredibly fast paced in my tasks. It is not easy to slow down, be patient and let him make the decisions. I do, with most things, it's just occasionally I have my moments where I do not understand and he is so slow to respond I get impatient, irritated and beyond emotional for almost no reason. Will this end? Will I ever be a stable emotional wife? Will we ever communicate in a way that makes sense to both of us?
I don't know... but I know God is bigger than both of our down falls and when we lean solely on him instead of ourself we find a place of security, safety and peace.
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