That's Right I'm Reading It!

I've decided that I need to read the influential works of literature that I have based opinions on without having read them first. I am on a journey, a quest really, of reading two major pieces of literature. One being Mein Kampf the autobiography of Hitler. I have wanted to read this ever since I studied the Holocaust in my first history class in college. I wanted so much to understand why such a hateful thing could happen and how such an awful ideal could be grasped in the worst way by such a large group of people. The world was listening to the man but not the heart... why, how and what made it move with the beat that it did?

I'm also reading the Origins of Species by Darwin. No, I'm not becoming an evolutionist. However, I do want to know what my true opinion on this topic really is. For years now I have been molded by other Christians to believe evolution largely brought about by Darwin is basically anti-Christian, anti-God and anti-everything I believe in currently. However, I myself and probably many others have not read the words written by the man himself. I want to know if my opinions about the theory are true, or logical. I want to be grounded in my thinking, but gloryifing to God alone. And so far in the introduction alone Darwin himself claims so many times his theories are partial, his observations many but prove little and missing links are everywhere. There should be no debate so far from what I've read because it's one man's opinion based on observation and thought alone.... sounds lacking of something major to me to begin with, nonetheless I'm reading through it anyhow.


Something I believe God gave me about teaching as a profession this week: Content comes with research, Experience comes in time, Greatness comes with practice but passion comes from the heart. Thank you Lord for such revelation!

How will I ever stay married?

I frequently know that my skills of being wifely are in dire need of being refined. I am unecessarily critical and hate my over emotional status as a PMSing woman. Having to share everything, leaving not much to do on my own is difficult. I wanted so badly to grocery shop and decorate the way -I- wanted because finally it is -my- life, not my parents. However, he feels the same way. How do we possibly combine lives when we both looked forward so much to being on our own. The disadvantage of moving from my parents house into an apartment with Jeff is nothing is ever singular for me. The same for him. Last night after arguing and being hurt for like the bazillionth time I thought to myself, "How will I ever make a good wife?" I am not wife material. I am selfish, controlling and incredibly fast paced in my tasks. It is not easy to slow down, be patient and let him make the decisions. I do, with most things, it's just occasionally I have my moments where I do not understand and he is so slow to respond I get impatient, irritated and beyond emotional for almost no reason. Will this end? Will I ever be a stable emotional wife? Will we ever communicate in a way that makes sense to both of us?

I don't know... but I know God is bigger than both of our down falls and when we lean solely on him instead of ourself we find a place of security, safety and peace.

Interesting People

As an employee who works for the public my Christianity can not be flamboyant or harsh in any way. My job is to serve... everyone. I can not take my beliefs, project them into my job and refuse to serve people whom I obviously would disagree with in life style choices. A man came to the library today wearing makeup, earrings, a head band and nail polish. His voice was deep and he had facial hair. Not to mention I went to high school with him. My heart sunk and immediately my thoughts became judgemental. How could I serve him? How could I allow myself to be in the presence of such wickedness? Right... geez as if Jesus never surrounded himself with people that every one else judged. What is wrong with me. I long to have a soft and gentle spirit and somehow I spew meanness. I am continuesly coming up short. So, I ask God to help. The man sits in our boat and plays on his phone. When he does come up to the desk I ask God for peace and to engage my service attitude. I help him and find myself unable to move past his make up. Why does he wear it, I wonder. Not all women wear make up. Then I wonder, why do I wear make up...

to cover up what I really look like.